OUT OF COMFORT ZONE

To be honest, Cambodia is not a place I love to visit so often.  Most times, it takes me out of my physical comfort zone -- hot weather, jet lag, strange food, strange bugs, strange smells.  I think some people love being in strange, and unique places.  For them, it taps into their adventurous nature and they get a kick out of being uncomfortable.  That’s not me.  I like things comfortable, predictable and easy.  These are three words I would never use when describing Cambodia.  

Cambodia takes me out of my spiritual comfort zone too.  So much of what I see and experience in Cambodia causes me to question God and to wonder about who He is and how He does things in this world.  I was brought up to not question God.  I mean he is all powerful, all knowing, wise, good.  Our ways are so below His ways, it can’t be ok to question anything He does or is doing in the world.  Yet Cambodia leads me to question so many things I believe are true about God: His goodness, His sovereignty, His compassion and mercy, His love for our world.

I remember standing and staring at a bright, shiny, newly built Bhuddist Temple at the edge of the village where we were working so hard to bring the good news of the gospel.  I was thinking: “God how could you allow this?  I’m among some of the worst poverty in the world. I’m hot and tired. I’m working so hard to share the love of God with a desperate, broken, hurting people, and now Satan has moved right in the neighborhood!  You’re allowing our enemy to set up camp on our back doorstep; how can this be good, wise and merciful?  If you really love these people you would set this thing on fire!”

That is just one moment out of hundreds that have forced me to ask questions I’m not supposed to ask. God and I have had it out on more than one occasion.  I certainly don’t have all the answers and so many times I, like Job, just have to simply worship and trust.  

I’m reading a book called God is Stranger by Krish Kandiah and I was recently struck by a few sentences.  “Those who are willing to wrestle honestly with doubt, despair, and the dissonance between what God promises and what God delivers are not those with the least faith, but those with the most.  Those who are unwilling to just let things slide with God but rather seek to resolve them, show how important God is to them.” 

I was so encouraged by this passage because I have often felt like my faith is weak.  Questions, doubt, fear, that is not the stuff of great missionaries.  I find that it is my reality more than I care to admit.  I don’t think Cambodia will ever be a place I get comfortable in and I’m learning that that is probably best.  It grows me up and strengthens me every time I go because when you are there it is tough to just let things slide with God.